A long time ago I thought this was simple, driven mainly by the fact that I had followed my friend’s instructions and had met a great guy, as I thought at the time. I was so naïve. The original advice was based on the popular version of the Law of Attraction; the listing of the top 10 attributes in a partner I wanted and giving gratitude for the day and then reading the list each evening. Little did I know then about how deep the Law of the Attraction runs, that we attract the same vibrations as ourselves, such that we are constantly attracting mirrors of ourselves. Let’s start with the basics:

Firstly – don’t focus on the lack of not having a partner and this would only bring forth lack.
It’s probably a safe bet to say a person getting on and enjoying their life is more attractive rather than one who is moping along and going on and on about how lonely they are. But how can I be joyful on my own some of you might cry. A partner is not here to complete you. You should be whole first. A partner is there to enhance your life. It is better to have a relationship based not on dependency but on support. This way if you end up dating someone that turns out to be not suited, you can part easily, without feeling pressured to stay due to the dependencies (say for company) in an unhappy relationship. When you are secure in yourself is also when you can truly offer support to your partner when needed. So get busy, join the gym, take dancey lessons, read etc, take your mind of needing a partner and slowly but surely you will find yourself enjoying life.

Believe me, I learnt the hard way. When I attracted my ex-partner, I was still depressed from losing friends in the Bali bombing and basically lets say not in an optimum state, even though I was working very hard to get out of it and was generally overall much happier.

My partner turned out to be very insecure and a pathological liar who conned me out of a lot of money. Even though there where signs along the way, I somehow ignored then, hanging on to hope. I feel asleep to those suspicious aspects of him so I wouldn’t have to face the reality of having to split up. This was to my absolute detriment in the end. It’s funny what we do to ourselves. How did I attract this guy, because my insecurities at that time I attracted an insure person, a mirror of my vibration. I later learnt that we also had past lives to resolve, but that’s a whole other story…basically because we were vibrating the same at some level, he came into my life when he did.

We’ve all seen it, how people seem to attract similar partners time after time. This is because they haven’t changed, thus still vibrating a certain way, and this attracts the same type of people into their lives. People say its because they haven’t learnt their lesson yet, but really it because they’re attracting their mirrors, the same mirrors.

2ndly – list the 10 things you would priorities in a partner.
By listing things down, you can clearly work out your priorities. This can help you realize which the men you are attracted to do not actually fulfill want you really want. That good looking guy with wavy hair may need to confirm some of those attributes before you become too infatuated. Distinguishing what you personally value will help you not to be so easily influenced by what others may want or marketing values of say prestige or money over loving or patient etc

Ensure that you list each aspect in positive language. For example, if you wanted to met a person that wasn’t lazy, rather than writing ‘not lazy’, put down ‘motivated’ or ‘driven’. Or if you don’t what an alcoholic, you could put down ‘healthy’.

Take a few minutes at the end of the day or during your afternoon coffee break, and give thanks to the universe for all the good stuff in your life and the good things that happened during the day. It can be as simple as thank you for the rain, the lovely smell of cut grass or just managing to get a seat on the train.
A sure fire way to get someone to help you out more is by showing your appreciation. Whenever you give gratitude or appreciation to someone for something, or when you receive gratitude, it makes them or you want give you more, right. So send out your appreciation to the universe. Then read the list of the 10 most important things you are looking for in a partner as you vibrate with gratitude.

Even if you are skeptical of the Law of Attraction, doing this exercise will mean that you are more focused and clear about what you want. This way you won’t get sweep away so easily by flattery or other things, like just good looks, and end up spending a substantial amount of time with someone only to find out they are not all the things you value or don’t value the same things as you. By that time you maybe emotionally tied, and it would be harder to break from that person. You might even realize there is already a person you are acquainted with, who you have never taken much noticed before, but realize now they have all or many of the aspects you are truly looking for. Other aspects may become more important later on or your values may change, so it’s ok to change your list as you grow. Of course my list greatly changed since my ex, honestly/loyalty becoming one of my top choices.

3rdly – have a good look in the Mirror.
Have a good look at yourself and be totally honest. You have nothing to lose, its only you that you need to be honest with.  Go down the list of things you would like in partner and ask yourself are you each of those things?
Say you want someone to be kind, are you kind? You’re going to attract someone similar to yourself so if you’re not very kind to everyone but want a kind partner, then work on that part of yourself.

Rather than just focusing on what you can gain from a partner, focus on what would make you a better partner.  Work on all the parts of yourself that you most want to attract in a partner, and work on reducing the parts of yourself you wouldn’t want in partner. Don’t judge yourself, we are everything, don’t be mad at yourself because you are still angry sometimes etc, its normal, just keep growing.

Decide what kind of relationship you want. It doesn’t have to be based on your parents or any around you. Choose for yourself and uphold your actions to the kind of relationship that you want. For example, it’s so easy for people to say its normal to take your stress out on those closest to you. For me this isn’t acceptable. The ones closet to you are supposed to be the ones you love the most, why would you treat them worse than others. I’ve always express this to my partners and I try to uphold it as well. I’m not saying we don’t slip up sometimes and its ok, we’re not perfect but it’s about aiming for the best relationship you can have or want. Love yourself enough to at least give yourself that.

When you love and value yourself, you will attract someone that will love and value you. This is why it is so important to know thyself.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” – Socrates

You have to be honest with yourself about your actions, like when you might have been enticing for an argument or manipulative. We all know that once you get to know someone, you know exactly how to trigger them. Become responsible for your actions in the relationship. You can only control your actions, if the other isn’t on par and isn’t prepare to grow, you have to be willing not to settle, and to go and find the right one. Each time you do this you are defining what you want clearly to the universe. As you become more honest with yourself, the more responsible you become. I can easily blame everything on my ex, but if I had been responsible and been totally honest with myself about our relationship, it would have ended a lot earlier.  Only by taking responsibility of the past, can we realize we have the power to shape our future.

“As Within, So Without” –  Hermes Trismegistus

The way you are inside attracts the things that form your outside world. How you are doesn’t just attract that type of partner but also all the people around you. If you had nothing in common, not just in the physical world, in the vibratory world, you wouldn’t come together. Who you are attracts your reality. To understand how your mind affects and creates the reality around you, see Science & Spirituality – Double-slit Experiment. The journey in getting to truly know yourself is also the path to awakening. As you awaken to who you really are deep down, you will also awaken to the knowledge that you are everything.